My Lungs Are Physically Aching From Laughing So Hard At The 42 Funniest Tweets People Posted This Month
"I helped a woman down the stairs with her pram. Me, her and the baby fell to the ground."
Happy spooky season, everybody! I've scoured the depths of Twitter to find the funniest tweets from October just for you to smile, so let's dive in!
1.
I accidentally joined this elderly woman’s live on TikTok of her singing gospel & she stopped singing to say “sista Bella Goth joined us.. let’s welcome her up”… I clicked out so fast.. pic.twitter.com/XGDLm56zT5
— Bella Goth 🎃 (@WickedNFine) October 22, 2024
2.
having guy friends is crazy bc i was crying and they told me “lock in” and i did
— 𝔟𝔯𝔦 ☆ (@ufobri) October 23, 2024
3.
just found my zayn dogtag i used to wear this in 9th grade like my husband was deployed in Afghanistan pic.twitter.com/uAtqk8u88y
— CODY🌸 (@copyofacody) October 23, 2024
4.
my six year old just made this bumper sticker for me pic.twitter.com/S7sIngHrJQ
— 𝔭𝔢𝔱𝔱𝔦𝔟𝔬𝔫𝔢 (@christmasearwig) October 26, 2024
5.
Saw my first BBL scarecrow today pic.twitter.com/trA1Eqjwb0
— Zaynah Bear 🇹🇹 (@zaynahbear) September 28, 2024
7.
my favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell
— M A I A 💋 (@yummaia) October 16, 2024
8.
Tried to make the scariest pumpkin I could think of for halloween pic.twitter.com/KaXv6aMhCr
— Dennis (@dkardonsky_) October 26, 2024
9.
He truly is his father’s son, he loves being on the computer and having an existential crisis pic.twitter.com/lou0jhmjOi
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) October 17, 2024
10.
Every year on my birthday my daughter asks how old I am and then cries and tells me she doesn’t want me to die so that’s a fun tradition
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 15, 2024
11.
Not to be dramatic but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life
— Sophie Hall-oween 🎃 (@SophLouiseHall) October 18, 2024
12.
Someone in california stole my debit card info and used it to pay their bills and buy $90 of fucking weinerschnitzel pic.twitter.com/cXU39WXBAW
— wiwi🩸 (@STAGSBANE) October 19, 2024
14.
takeout container for pad see ew with tofu almost pissed me off… pic.twitter.com/rnHQ7PQvld
— hal (@tinned__fish) October 15, 2024
15.
5-year-old asked if Santa can see her when she's naked. I said no of course not because obviously I want her to feel safe and secure, but now I'm getting the sense that she was looking for a loophole and will be nakedly breaking rules in the near future.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 24, 2024
16.
visiting my grandma at the retirement home. she wanted to show me her new table. smh. pic.twitter.com/ROhUsNa5dk
— Justin Credible (@GravySauceCream) October 23, 2024
17.
when my yapping battery runs out and I just sit there like this pic.twitter.com/pWqtJbVlpf
— jynx (@jynxbby) October 22, 2024
18.
New season of The Bear looks shit pic.twitter.com/uRiYTLQYTE
— Tom Reagan’s Hat (@RufusTSuperfly) October 21, 2024
19.
Whoever did this at my job needs to be escorted out by noon today pic.twitter.com/uZHd8WFu6I
— Mixx /G\ (@Ras_Mixx) October 22, 2024
20.
My man is taking me out to Olive Garden tonight with his juul class action lawsuit money 💘
— eve (@bubblegumbword) October 22, 2024
21.
After I get home from work and ask my Tesla robot if it took the meat out the freezer pic.twitter.com/Nrpqca7J6K
— DEI-sama (@EDIBLU) October 16, 2024
22.
Your Tesla robot tryna tell you that you musty pic.twitter.com/CQPpfHvyIv
— ʜᴀᴄᴋᴀʀʏ ʙɪɴx (@chaclobro) October 16, 2024
23.
why was my bacon giving saddam hussein hiding spot pic.twitter.com/cYPizsDYMx
— jc (@laut_zeug) October 15, 2024
24.
I could never be a 911 operator. Whenever someone would call I’d be like OMG
— Natalie (@jbfan911) October 20, 2024
25.
today at work this lady said “it’s too bad you don’t have a tip jar. i wanted to leave you guys a tip” i said we do have a tip jar and pointed to it and she said “oh…” and walked away 😭
— earth angel (@kalelvr) October 20, 2024
26.
I helped a woman down the stairs with her pram. Me, her and the baby fell to the ground.
— Tolly (@tolly_t) October 21, 2024
It is well. x
27.
“nothing from my end, thanks!” pic.twitter.com/vuVpMOgAwA
— sophie (@netcapgirl) October 18, 2024
28.
What if we kissed under the lower-case serif STOP sign pic.twitter.com/CGy1bG1Fif
— microplastics impossible: ghost brotocol (@DiabolicalSpuds) October 13, 2024
29.
You know what humbles me? When I buy panties and them mfs look big out the pack, then I try them on and it’s perfect 😭😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/Ru7XRGodO9
— Jingle Belle 💅 ❄️ 🎄✨ (@HazelEyez552) October 21, 2024
30.
Nativity season is upon us! My son has been cast as a wise man. My daughter, on the otherhand - pic.twitter.com/ALWosPwbMM
— Emma Szewczak (@EmmaSzewczak) October 24, 2024
31.
I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.
— Christina Garnett (@ThatChristinaG) October 29, 2024
32.
everything is fine pic.twitter.com/qDSf0ZyAre
— yobobby (@y0b0bby) October 24, 2024
33.
Porch light will be off this year 😫 pic.twitter.com/EHtqCS0wLc
— Purse•Less Paulette. (@riymdream) October 24, 2024
34.
This guy in CVS was FaceTime with his girl and she trying to direct him on what pads to get. He was so lost. I heard what she asked for and put it in the phone camera and she says “thank you girl” without even seeing my face 😂😂😂😂😂
— Dy (@DolceDyamond) October 25, 2024
35.
driving and conversing in the car with my child then she says “simon says just drive don’t talk” 🙃🙃🙃gagged tf out of me
— Zonnique (@Zonnique) October 10, 2024
36.
Best Halloween decoration so far. 😅 pic.twitter.com/lFIgAL9p9j
— Jon Christenson, STS 🦬 ☕️ (@Melanchthon61) October 1, 2024
38.
I told my 4 year old it’s too cold for shorts and she said, “Why are you making me mad when I want to be happy?” 😂😂😂😂
— wiz fajita (@trillary_banks_) October 28, 2024
39.
just told my 11y/o that I was certain about something ‘to a reasonable margin of error’ and she said ‘shut up nerd’ and my wife dropped her bowl from laughing so hard
— Daniel Gorman (@DanielGorman20) October 19, 2024
40.
Don’t invite me to yo crib if you know you doing silly shit like living on the 3rd floor with no elevator.
— Craig (@40milliondollas) October 2, 2024
41.
the human body was not built to withstand 3 Trump election cycles
— Taylor Schumann (@taylorsschumann) October 28, 2024
42.
cute first date idea for under $50 pic.twitter.com/IVpEdNLxXx
— count dykecula 🦇 (@gothesbian) October 7, 2024