I'm Dying Laughing At These 64 Unfiltered Things People Were Brave Enough To Post On The Internet This Month
"Please don’t make me bounce on it. I have low iron and arthritic knees."
~Spooky season~ is already over, but Twitter was on a roll this month! So enjoy some of the best tweets of October 2024."
And follow the accounts that made you laugh so your Twitter timeline will be even better!
1.
"i'm a top" "i'm a bottom" okay??? i’m sitting on his lap sipping diet pepsi
— T. Kyle (@tkylemac) October 22, 2024
2.
80 DEGREES ON OCTOBER 22ND pic.twitter.com/rZeUNTyCBC
— Patty (@pattykkot) October 22, 2024
3.
(After laughing with a group of friends) what does everyone think we’ll laugh at next
— pj (@pjayevans) October 22, 2024
4.
"top if it gets there" ummmmm, its going there babe
— glizzyana 🍉 (@baby_arabia) October 23, 2024
5.
almost choked to death in the dentist chair because i thought of this image and burst out laughing mid-cleaning pic.twitter.com/cMuY9N9WpA
— taffi ･ﾟ･｡ (@robonkerz) October 23, 2024
6.
when i told my psychiatrist i need to be reevaluated bc i dont think im bipolar anymore and he said “thats what a bipolar person would say” pic.twitter.com/Z1X9LMx5fD
— KYNDOLL (@kynthekyd) October 27, 2024
7.
The other day I told a friend I don’t want a romantic relationship at this point in my life and he asked me “then what do you want?” Well first of all I think the weight our society puts on romantic relationships is troubling. Second of all, friend with benefits I’m in love with
— violence (@fuckgoblin420) October 19, 2024
8.
Just walked by a teen who anxiously asked his friend “Baddies will be there, right?” and the friend sighed and said “We’ll see”
— Brooks Otterlake (@i_zzzzzz) October 22, 2024
9.
texting the token cis straight male friend <3 pic.twitter.com/qG9NZ9DkON
— juni (@b1rista) October 21, 2024
10.
told my mom I'm getting my covid and flu shot today and she goes "oh you're still doing that?" pic.twitter.com/zqTZir5dpJ
— gaychel (@coochieflop) October 21, 2024
11.
it probably felt soooo good as a knight to say SEIZE HIM!
— via (@atrophicbtrfly) October 22, 2024
12.
A guy was cruising me on his bike and hit a parked car
— bratley (@planetbrad) October 21, 2024
13.
Idk how to flirt I just told this girl “fine day with you around”
— SPIDERCRAWLING (@SPIDERCRAWLING) October 21, 2024
14.
Ah yes time to come home and have a nice nutritious meal called “37 crackers”
— Matt. (@MattTheBrand) October 22, 2024
15.
I don’t think people realize just how badly Juul fucked up their bodies if they’re receiving $3,000 payouts from one class action lawsuit. “Yay I can buy a new iPhone!” Bro you’re going to need a new iRon Lung Pro Max
— andi (e/alb) (@Nexuist) October 22, 2024
16.
colonel is crazyyyyy work https://t.co/KD9abv4z50
— jus (@bbnojutsu) October 22, 2024
17.
I cannot imagine having a meltdown and hearing “mommy I’m hungry”
— Big Little (@DetroitEmory) October 22, 2024
18.
Lock in because your future wife is currently going to a job she hates
— Melina (@_melinaed_) October 23, 2024
19.
colonel is crazyyyyy work https://t.co/KD9abv4z50
— jus (@bbnojutsu) October 22, 2024
20.
they should give you pto if you're looking a little busted and need a haircut asap
— r (@rxckrxdxscxlvxs) October 22, 2024
21.
her booty take my pain away, call that asspirin
— Rico 🔪 (@RicozRevenge) October 23, 2024
22.
"I am not looking for anything serious right now" pic.twitter.com/Mjl6mSfCmN
— Vitasta Goswami (@vitasta_08) October 25, 2024
23.
if you want to be in my spotify wrapped, you must defeat my 7 evil songs i looped at weirdly specific emotional points in my life this year. pic.twitter.com/1x5sDExfv9
— steven ★ (@stevlmao) October 25, 2024
24.
andy samberg lookalike contest tonight at my house
— spooky ford 🎃 (@lucyj_ford) October 27, 2024
25.
my lyft driver saying this is his first time driving on the highway???????????????
— NIETZSCHE 🇳🇬. (@madeinnaij) October 26, 2024
26.
She ain’t even let the joke sit in the air I’M CRYING https://t.co/OwnzT8FTOg
— Tyler (@tyler_cov) October 26, 2024
27.
“i never see you at the club” and i never see you on the shared doc
— Hadas Weiss (@weiss_hadas) October 27, 2024
28.
Pls don’t make me bounce on it I have low iron and arthritic knees
— Zach ⭒ (@lexapr1nce) October 25, 2024
29.
anxiety is soooo crazy bc why do i have diarrhea cuz im scared of something that hasn’t happened yet. what purpose does this diarrhea serve evolutionary
— Nikki Nasty (@nicolerafiee) October 26, 2024
30.
me when i say something in the gc and no one responds pic.twitter.com/G2yYPnDD0n
— tabitha (@cinedruig) October 27, 2024
31.
donʼt ask me for relationship advice. i went back to the same person 17 times
— jynx (@jynxbby) October 16, 2024
32.
Good Lord, you licked the box clean. https://t.co/mVCrLDMSOW
— le’Giza (@Givenkazeni) October 15, 2024
33.
Seeing a Cybertruck really does ruin your day. Because wtf is that
— petite barbie. (@joigabrielle) October 16, 2024
34.
Is it fall or winter?! pic.twitter.com/eW5MF7fhap
— #BreonnaTaylor, MSW (@Stea1TH_06) October 16, 2024
35.
i laughed out loud pic.twitter.com/tBfdctK44G
— elle (@itselleokay) October 15, 2024
36.
Why Nobody told me Top Golf was $100 tf I look like Tiger Woods??
— landonfrostt (@starcosmetics2) October 11, 2024
38.
Whenever someone hops on a Zoom meeting and is like “Sorry I look like such a mess, haven’t had my coffee!” or like”Please excuse the lighting!” it’s like….babe….I’m physically incapable of not staring at my own reflection for this entire meeting. You don’t even exist to me
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) October 11, 2024
39.
driving and conversing in the car with my child then she says “simon says just drive don’t talk” 🙃🙃🙃gagged tf out of me
— Zonnique (@Zonnique) October 10, 2024
40.
i was gonna tip but i saw u laughing w that other table im sure they got u 👍🏾
— xavier (@nahimdifferent) October 11, 2024
41.
messaged someone on grindr and didn’t hear back and then 10 mins later they’ve changed their name to ‘MASC ONLY’ pic.twitter.com/TwBAOVjaV1
— domlzz again (@domlzz) October 9, 2024
42.
me with $47 in my account: yall wanna go to dinner? get some drinks??
— jojo (@_jwigz) October 8, 2024
43.
The difference between 180° and 360° be whooping y’all ass!
— No. (@GeoNeonPeach) October 5, 2024
44.
Nature is regressing 😍 pic.twitter.com/BzaQdWPihL
— zayzaysworld (@f4iryluvrr) October 16, 2024
46.
not invited to something i did not want to go to with people i do not like pic.twitter.com/j3M8ZqRDMU
— jo (@cowboypraxis) October 13, 2024
47.
why my dad on facebook talking about “who daughter can i take out to eat” BITCH YOURS! I HAVENT SEEN YOU IN 7 YEARS
— hbk (@hbkraee) October 4, 2024
48.
I should quit my job to focus on cooking dinner
— Katie 🐝 (@kayteebee99) October 16, 2024
49.
chest hair is boy cleavage, never think they don’t know exactly what they’re doing when they’re showing it
— Maizie ⭐️ (@postboob) October 7, 2024
50.
Gays running to the smoking area when a song by Ed Sheeran comes on in a gay bar
— Meh (@Spilling_The_T) October 9, 2024
pic.twitter.com/Rpvmx3AJPh
51.
You ever walked outside and ain’t see yo car
— Ciggest 4 (@deemtfmoney) October 8, 2024
52.
me after bottoming for a hour: https://t.co/BH9w2aWHSb
— joshua. (@livingthroughJ) October 15, 2024
53.
me when someone asks me what i have in my “rari” pic.twitter.com/xvM6pWWfcK
— doomer (@uncledoomer) October 8, 2024
54.
told dentist i bought a electric toothbrush and he asked what end i used pic.twitter.com/OSuNBRpLVt
— •ᴗ- (@evadentz) October 7, 2024
55.
I wish coworkers would fight in the bathrooms like in middle school
— $ (@Hnzdz) October 7, 2024
56.
if i have a baby with my man and we break up he gotta take the baby
— ᛕꪖíꪶꪖ (@piinkmink_) October 5, 2024
57.
every time I'm at the dentist with my BITE ME inner lip tattoo I got at 19 pic.twitter.com/QqZ5sALj7p
— mariana (@pastapilled) October 4, 2024
58.
brat single-handedly undid four decades of D.A.R.E.
— Andiamo (@awejones) October 15, 2024
59.
I was in the library brushing my beard and another student turned his head 360° like an owl, looked me dead in my eyes, and said he "thought somebody was raking leaves".... does college have HR?? pic.twitter.com/y7wS6wvfK6
— $aint $mith 🕊 (@SaintSmith_) October 3, 2024
60.
Yes i have a mom https://t.co/CBecM4cImu
— Grip Bayless✨ (@talleyberrybaby) October 2, 2024
61.
Actually it’s pronounced “jaslight” - you’ve been saying it wrong the whole time
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) October 2, 2024
62.
me watching any reality tv show: what type of PTO do y'all got
— . (@kingbealestreet) October 2, 2024
63.
29 yea told man btw pic.twitter.com/G5baKIAsVK
— lux (@lamegff) October 1, 2024
64.
pitch black at 4pm i hope you winter sickos are happy
— paisley. ⊹ (@danstille) October 28, 2024